


Loved until I lost (you)

by winterscaptsam



Category: Marvel, Romanogers - Fandom, capwidow - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), F/M, Fluff, Not A Fix-It, romanogers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-03 16:04:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19467385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterscaptsam/pseuds/winterscaptsam
Summary: Natasha Romanoff and Steve Rogers fall in love when on the run but once back and ready to fight the battle they lost once before, will they be able to hang onto the love? Or will they loose themselves again.





	Loved until I lost (you)

**Author's Note:**

> First Romanogers fic so cut me some slack on this one aha, moments from various movies that I’ve tried to fit in but all in all mostly Romanogers.

The thing is, Steve knows it. He’s known it since he laid eyes on her. Auburn red hair sitting gently and falling onto her shoulders with the freshest of green eyes looking back at him. 

_Romanoff_ ,  the sound of her name sounded so easy at the tip of his tongue as if he was born to say her name over and over again. 

Nick Fury was talking again, the importance rising tension in the room only for Natasha to say,

“Steve doesn’t like that kind of talk,” her voice teased and eyes amused as she looked at him knowingly.

“You know what, Romonaff” he smirked back at her. 

He saw her flash a smile, thought about how he could look at it for days, how her happiness gleamed through the darkness. How she was the feeling of safety inside of a safe house. 

And then civil war happened, the thought of fighting opposite her broke him. Harder than it should’ve, his heart broke fighting all of his once teammates but with her...it felt different. A type of heartbreak he didn’t know he was capable of feeling.

But then she helped him, stored him time to get away, practically saving him. He wandered what the best way to say ‘thank you’ would be. 

Not too long after they were on the run together with Sam Wilson. From trashy motels and stake outs, when you’re sharing a hotel room with someone you’re bound to get close. 

“What do you think?” She asked one night, box of blonde hair dye in her hand. 

He doesn’t look up at her, sitting back relaxed on the hotel bed, eyes focused on the silent TV screen, “Of what?” 

“If I dyed it blonde,” she says, voice soft.

He looks up at her then to box then her again, he liked the way her hair was a flaming red. It was almost like her signature thing, the perfect colour to match her.

“I like it red,” he says, voice steady.

“Dunno. Want a change, to be honest.” She shrugs a little, puts the box back on her side of the desk as if refraining from the idea.

_Anything would look good on you_ ,  he wants to say but puts back as he turns back to the screen. Only for half an hour later to her head soft breathes dive into slumber on her bed, body snuggled up as her hair fell onto her cheeks. 

He gets up, walks over to her side of the room. Pulls the covers up to her shoulders, takes a finger to softly brush her hair behind her ears, he sees how beautiful she looks even in her sleep. Soft pink lips sealed closed, eyelashes gentle on her face. 

He wants to lean in, kiss her cheek goodnight but that would be too much.  _That’s not something a friend would do_ ,  he tells himself. Walks back to his bed and tries to sleep, the thought of her still in his mind. 

It’s the same old for months on end, hotel to hotel, mission from mission. It’s bearable at least that Natasha and Sam are with him, it’s become almost a daily routine. 

One morning he hears shuffling through the bathroom, quiet but audible curses coming from Natasha’s voice. He leans in his head towards the locked door, knocks twice and waits for an answer. 

He doesn’t get one, he knocks again and calls out to her,

“Natasha. You okay in there?” 

He sees the door unlock, only to take a step back for Natasha to reveal herself. Red hair damp from blonde dyed stains all over as it drips to her white shirt now stained a deep color of yellow. 

“I’m fine, I’m just trying to wash it out.” 

She says, sighing and going back inside the bathroom to turn on the water, he stops her hand and reaches for the shower head top, 

“Let me,” his voice a quiet, soft tone.

She nods, leans her hand back in the tub as she can feel the warmth of Steve coming closer towards her. 

He turns the water lukewarm and grips tightly onto the shower head, allows it to rinse over her hair as he hesitated brushing his fingers through he hair. It’s a distraction, of course it is. He tries not to get lost and just focus on the task in hand but how would that be possible if she’s right there so close to him. Eyes closed, showing off her beautiful long lashes, pink lips sealed and skin glowing under the light. 

“All good.” He says, releasing himself of the tension he was feeling as he turns off the water and watches Natasha as she stares into the mirror. Wet blonde hair looking back at her, eyes mint with no satisfaction. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks, standing behind her mirrored reflection, leaning back on the door. 

“Still need it to be different- even more different than this,” she states, taking her hand to open the cabinet and pull out a pair of silver shining scissors.

And before Steve can even think about anything else, he places his hands on hers and removes the scissors away from her out of instinct. 

“Let me,” he suggests.

“Do you even know how to cut hair?” She smirks a little,

“Of course,” he lies. 

Sitting down in front of the mirror, she brushes her hair back as Steve smooths it down to trim. She keeps her eyes on his reflection through the mirror, too scared to look up Steve keeps his eyes on the task at hand.

Trimming bit by bit, slow and precise. He’s never been so focused on a task before but it’s Natasha, it’s her. He has to get everything right for her, that’s what he thinks at least. 

He turns all the way up to her shoulders, just so it’s below her ears lobe, short enough it doesn’t count for medium length and he isn’t surprised to find she looks as beautiful as ever. Short blonde hair actually suits her.  _Maybe everything suits her actuall_ _y_ , he thinks.

He takes a breath, looks up at the mirror to her green mint eyes staring back at him through the reflection. Blue and green eyes mixing together, the tension tuck in between them. He breaks the silence first,

“A-all done. You look- the hair looks good on you.” 

_The hair looks good on you, what the fuck_.  He immediately regrets his words but is at ease as he hears Natasha shuffle a small laugh. Standing up and ruffling her hair with her fingers, 

“Not too bad Rogers, not too bad.” 

Maybe it’s the way she smiles at him, the way words sound when she says it, the precious green of her eyes or how soft her lips look. Maybe it’s how beautiful she glows under the bathroom light but whatever it is- he kisses her. 

Cups her cheeks in his hands and leans in only to break the small distance, smashing his lips onto hers. His lips telling the words he was too scared to admit, to his happiness she doesn’t pull away. She kisses him back, soft but passionate. 

She reaches her hand behind his neck and the other to the back of his hair, she leans against the wall as the kiss gets deeper by the second, letting go only for a second to catch their breathes.

He leans his head onto hers, hands still cupping her flushed red cheeks. He stuffs a laugh of happiness, only to get a smile from her. 

He wants to say it, the words sit at the tip of his tongue but swallows it up as he thinks it’s too soon. He’ll wait until he can say the feelings instead. 

It’s good, of course it’s good. Being on the run with your best friend and sort of - not really got a label on it yet - girlfriend has its moments of happiness. 

Hotels slightly cheaper because they’re booking two rooms instead of three now Steve and Natasha are close enough and happy together to share a bed. 

“You really gonna make me feel like a third wheel? That’s just cold man,” Sam sighs as he walks into their hotel room only to see Steve spooning Natasha under the covers. 

They don’t say anything, just look at Sam’s expression amusingly. 

“You’re not missing out on anything. Steve takes the covers and snores anyway,” Natasha says as she looks at Sam, slightly raising an eyebrow. 

“I do not.” 

“Yeah, you do man. The walls are thin enough to hear,” Sam backs up Natasha’s point, shaking his head mockingly at Steve.

“Imagine being right next to him. Right into my ear, it’s not a pleasurable nights sleep at all.” Natasha retorts.

“You’re both going to gang up on me like that?” He says, looking into both their brown and green eyes with hope of a back track on the conversation.

“Yep.” Natasha and Sam say in unison, shrugging too because they’re right. Steve Rogers snores too loud for a good nights sleep. 

But Natasha doesn’t tell him how it makes her slightly happy, apart from her unable to get any sleep for hours because of it, it makes her happy. Because it tells her that Steve is sleeping peacefully, no nightmares or traumatic stress to keep him awake but just the sounds of his breath soothing him to sleep. She realises this and it’s comforting, comforting to know he can have that kind of peacefulness in his life. 

Steve doesn’t admit that he hasn’t had a propers good nights sleep until Natasha was next to him. Normally staying up until the AM dawn and till he could hear the chattering of other guests in the hotel but then Natasha was there. Even her just being in the room gave him the sense of calmness, the sense of safety. She never had to say anything, her just being there was enough. 

Maybe it was easier when they were on the run, when it was only them and Sam from trashy motels and car stake outs. It was peaceful and alone from the world outside they had to go back too. 

So, when they did...things changed. It was back to mission after mission and the biggest of them all, Thanos. 

They save Wanda and Vision, come back only for Natasha to see Bruce again. 

“Hi Bruce.” She says and Steve notices the sense of guilt and pain in her voice. He hides back his sadness. His jealousy, he knows what he had before and it was his fault he didn’t tell her sooner enough so nothing would’ve happened. 

He doesn’t say anything to her, only speaks to her when it’s mission related and it’s as if everything that happened between them was a mere distant memory, a dream that never lived. 

And everything goes to ruins again, they fight the battle they thought they should’ve won, only for everyone they know and love to disappear by the movement of a snap. And it hurts, it feels like a failure they never thought they’d feel. 

The avengers have failed and all Steve can think about is the 40s. Is how simple it was before he got into all of this. He thinks of Peggy, thinks of a life he could have. Thinks of the life he thought he had with Natasha only for it to disappear once they got back. 

“Do you miss her?” He hears Natasha’s voice behind him, cold but he can notice the hint of sadness. 

Sadness because she’s caught him looking down at the picture of Peggy. And at this point he’s just ruining things for himself. 

“Everyday.” He says and blinks back a tear, gets up from his seat to stand and turn to look at her. And he regrets it because now he can see the sadness in her eyes and he realises how wrong everything is going. 

She leaves. Only for the next time Steve sees her, small tears being wiped from the softness of her hands and he offers to cook for her, makes a joke but knows nothing will take away her guilt. Survivors guilt. 

He looks at her hair, sees the red that starts and how it ends with blonde that land softly on her, remembers the day of their first kiss. Remembers how tense but beautiful it was helping her feel the transformation she wanted to feel. 

Remembers how easy it was when it was just them. Them alone from the world.

“What did you want...from me?” She asks, holding in all her pain and heartbreak because maybe Steve will never forget Peggy, maybe she will never be enough for Steve.

“I wanted you to be happy,”  _but would it be so bad if you were happy with me?_ He wants to say but doesn’t. 

Maybe they just weren’t meant to be. He see’s the unresolved tension between her and Bruce, she notices his heartbreak over a lover he left centuries ago. 

“Happy?” She says voice broken and tears filling in her eyes, letting out the smallest sad laugh.

And to be truthful, it hurts more than anything. He lost his best friends due to the snap but at least he has Natasha still here with him. Not the way he wants to have her but at least he still has her, at least she’s still here. 

Until she isn’t. 

Until the last words he remembers her saying were, “see you in a minute.”

And he really, really thought he would. He remembers the flash of happiness in her smile, the confidence that it was going to all go right and Steve had a plan. 

They would fix this, get everyone back and retrieve the stones. This would be the final war won and then he’d come back tell Natasha the words that always sat at the tip of his tongue and they’d live. Live the life they always deserved to live with each other. 

And he swears he can hear his heart shatter to the smallest of pieces when Clint comes back alone and the reality deems over him that Natasha is never coming back. 

That once again he waited too long. Once again, he loved her till her lost her. 

So, when he gets the chance to go back. He goes back to see her, to Vormir. To get the love of his life back and just fucking tell her, just say it.

_I love you _ _and I’ll see you in a minute_.


End file.
